So yes, very uncharacteristically of myself I went out 2 nights in a row. I usually like to watch SVU reruns and be annoyed in general on a Friday or Saturday night. So yes, Posh was dead on Friday night. After our Ye Olde Saloon stop we ended up at the G spot. I do avoid conflict, especially when I am drinking. I have enough when I am sober I like to be in my own world when I'm having the Captain. I danced, it was fun. Saturday I slept til 1, it was great. But then I had to go to work. It wasn't too bad. That night we went to Posh again, I was really drunk that night because I didn't really eat that much. The dance floor was really crowded and sometimes when 'dance' music came on I went to the side. I was in the bathroom when 'My Little Nasty Girl' came on by B.I.G., Diddy and Nelly, I tried to run out of there, I really like that song. Thankfully Susan brought some cigarettes ( I gotta stop that) and then there was a White Castle stop. I wouldn't want to pay $10 to get in to that club I don't think. I still like Tiki but that is kind of far.
So 'Ed' at my work is moving on and there is no sadness felt by this team. Me and my one friend wanted to high five each other but thought that might not be appropriate, not that the stuff he has said to us is appropriate or anything. We'll see how it all works out.
I saw FD3, thought it was pretty gory. Especially the tanning bed scene. I wouldn't want to go out that way.

:(

I'd like to crawl in to a hole and never come out..... Again.

Insecure

Now I know that on the 'love me, hate me' it is really hard to do. I had the hardest time doing them and I didn't want to. I looked at mine and 100% said I was insecure and unhappy. I think I agree with both of them. I used to be so secure. I need to change a lot of things to get that way again. One of them is going to be eating healthier. I am seriously going to try and do that. No more frickin white castle during the week ( maybe if I am wasted and I have lack of judgement), I'm going to start bringing my lunch to work and NOT eating a bagel for breakfast. Yogurt and fruit. Hopefully I will get this new job and I will be able to only have one job and I will go back to the gym. That is another thing that will make me more secure in myself. Why does it have to be weight!!!! It is SO annoying. I look at older pictures and I'm like wow, I thought I was big then, when I was my littlelest. I think I just made up a word. I don't care. Now I'm like wow I looked good then, you never see that when it is you. Beckie looks awesome and Jessica does too! I hope that they recognize that and don't forget that even if they don't think so, they look fabulous!
I'm unhappy for the same reasons, weight, job, maybe relationship?? I don't want to get in to that and I don't want any comments, it is something that I have to figure out by myself. But they are all changeable things and I have to work on myself to get back the confidence, happiness and silliness that I used to have. So bare with me. It is a work in progress, thanks everyone for being my friend, sister, and an ear to hear me! I need all I can get. Thanks!

Hate me? Love me?

I liked this:

Love me:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Scrapiron

Hate me:
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Scrapiron

It's gone..how long was that? :p

Pudding

I love Usher like I love pudding. Only Jackie would really know how much I love pudding. :)
It was a good ol' day back in the Springs when I discovered my love for pudding. I said it with much passion and it must have sounded funny because she burst out laughing. But I'm listening to Usher right now, Confessions, and I LOVE it! And I've listened to it a lot.
I am having a rare good mood moment. I remember when I used to have a lot of those. What happened??!! I want to capture it and make myself feel like this all the time. Not so crappy all the time.

Nard quit! I never got to confront him on the 'Bitttttttch' though. I would have liked to see him squirm. He just called yesterday and said 'I quit.' No one was upset.
So I left at my normal time today but there was an accident at Moross. So I got here at 7:20. I called to tell 'Ed' that I would be late because of an accident and he has to send an email out to the whole team, which no one gives a crap. So I got here and he wrote to me and said 'you are going to make up you time right?' What? He is so retarded. All he cares about is watching our 'time', even though we don't punch a clock. That's because he doesn't know what he is doing otherwise. I hope he leaves. Or that I leave, hopefully I get a different job first so that I can through my badge and be like 'I quit!' No I wouldn't do that but I would like to!
Anyways, I am SO tired of panera. 5 days a week is not working for me. I'm tired of crispanis, of line, of having to pick up everyone's slack so that we can get out before 10:30, it's just dumb. Luckily last night we closed with Kay who has 5 kids and doesn't want to be there late, so she didn't go through with a fine tooth comb.

Yesterday

So yesterday wasn't just wierd for 1 person I think everyone and thing was being wierd. Duke pooped in the house when Jackie was right there...Banana might have found a love....I was walking in to Panera and I saw Nard's car and I was thinking oh great when I'm almost to the door I hear 'BIIIIIIIIIIITCH'. Like I don't know who is calling me a bitch? I look around at his car and I'm just like 'I f-ing heard that.' First of all I'm not a bitch, I have no problems with anyone I work with, ever. Maybe if he wasn't so lazy I would help him but hell no. Especially not now. He got sent home anyways before he even clocked in, good..... Chris F. was at Panera for like 4 hours, that was wierd. I mopped the entire store because everyone was just 'so behind'. I wanted to cry when I was done. Is this my life? I'm trapped there because of the money but I really want to have 1 job. I cried on the way home. I don't think I'll get the thing I interviewed for probably because I don't have a smile plastered on my face my entire life. Then much foolery when I got home. And I have to go there again today, tomorrow, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday. BLAH! It's not that I mind the job, it's that I mind it when I work 31 hours there in a week. I am just going to start requesting 3 days off a week so that I am not scheduled that much. Detroit is back to normal. I think that there is more traffic now because everyone is coming in to work now.
I wish I could go back to bed. 7:43 am and I want to be done for the day!

Quotes

Oh ya I can't stand working with Nard. I have to try to ignore the fact that he stands around and does nothing when he has no customers and I will not help him at the end of the night because of it. Some things he has said to me or done...
1. 'I'm not applying to Michigan State because I only expect to get a 16 or 17 on my ACT test so I wouldn't get in.'
2. 'Black people don't invest or save for retirement but I plan on doing that.' What?! I really didn't get that one.
3. 'Every day I think about quitting and taking my money drawer with me.' This was while he was counting down his drawer.
4. 'Will you clean the girls bathroom?' he refuses to clean the woman's bathroom, I swear he needs to be fired. So I said 'um no, that is your job and I'm closing line.' He goes: 'I'll remember that the next time you ask me for a favor.' Don't worry, I won't!!!
5. 'Man I need to quit this place is wearing me out.' Again, what?! You work like 25 hours a week at the most and you don't even work when you are here!
6. 'Oh you can just have the chips for free.' Um no he can't Nard! Obviously you don't care about getting raises.
Ugh, I literally have to ignore him when he is working because he drives me crazy.

Ok, sorry I went on that little episode but I couldn't help it. Yesterday 2 people called in so we were a little short staffed. The weekend was ok, I worked on Friday and Saturday nights. Didn't do much on those days. I cleaned on Saturday We went up to the place that used to be Gecko's on Saturday for like an hour. My friend Keri was up there. It was dead. We just played some pool and had Bacardi Silver's for a $1. Sunday I went grocery shopping and we made food for the SB. We only had like 8 people over, that was a good number because then we all had seats. It was an ok game, I didn't really care who won. Well I have to get to work, now that Amy is gone 'Ed' keeps asking us questions because he doesn't know what he is doing. Not our fault!!
I saw Underworld: Evolution, Thursday night, I liked it a lot. I like Kate and 'Ben' (from Felicity) and I like how they intertwine everyone. Now is Selene and Michael going to have a wierd baby?

P.S. Where did 'foolery' come from? I know I didn't just make it up, I've heard it before...I knew that they wouldn't go 'for a little while', whenever the plan is oh we are just going to go for a bit, it turns into a late night :)

A New York Moment

Well I better blog before I forget what I said I was going to say. Buffalo was nice and fun. And I actually planned on calling in to panera since they wouldn't give me the day off on Saturday. But that turned in to well you have to find someone to work for you. Luckily a kid took my shift so I actually didn't get in trouble. So really I have never called in....When we got there I was a little hungry so the veggie pizza sounded good, but we still had to make the dough! So i though ok i'll have some triscuits or something, well Anna is on her total weight loss plan and didn't have anything normal to eat. I was a little wary of the reduced fat cheese also but I must have had a bad experience with fat-free cheese because surprisingly it tasted really good. (After 2 daiquiris and a rum and diet!) Then I was like oh some ranch would be good, well she doesn't drink milk anymore, she had soy! I was like what kind of twilight zone have i stepped in to. We made it anyways and it was fine. I lost terribly at the SATC game, it is still fun though.

She now reminds me of me back in the day of losing weight and loving to go clothes shopping! When everything fits good and looks fabulous, I miss that :(
I am really glad I went. Saturday was relaxing, shopping, basketball, food and the bar, what more could someone want?! Nothing crazy happened to me like Anna and Jackie, it was a normal lonngggg night out. Me and Sara were standing on the sidelines by the end going 'are we home yet?' While taking pictures and having strange guys trying to get in them. I had a LOT to drink but I didn't get sick or anything.

Sunday sucked of course. I wanted to curl up at Panera and go to bed. Every time I think I might get to leave early it never happens. I don't think I've caught up on my sleep yet. I couldn't sleep last night even though I was tired. I was so hot and irritated. So today I am so tired and I have to go to my other job after this one. Blah. I had an interview yesterday but who knows if I'm going to get it. I 2nd guessed my answers after I was gone. Well at least it was good experience. I'd like to only have 1 job!!! I haven't gone grocery shopping in like 4 weeks, luckily I have been able to get laundry done.

So this week is SuperBowl week and the Ren Cen is floating with athletes and tv cameras. I've seen the tapings of the ESPN sports shows and Cold Pizza. It's pretty interesting. All the people here. And you hear of all the parties and bars with celebrities but there is always that chance that you pay like $175 and no one shows up. I wouldn't want to pay that much anyways, are you really going to talk to anyone? I don't think so. If anyone wants to watch the SB you can come over to our house. We'll be watching it on the projection screen and have some food. Let me know if you want to.
Only 45 more minutes here, tick tock tick tock.