Monopoly

I need camping now too. Ryan said he is on Baltic with all the crack houses, well I haven't even got off GO! yet.... :(

The day before...

So it's the day before the wedding. I am obviously thinking about it a lot because I had a dream about it last night. It wasn't like a 'I object' type of thing when the pastor asks the question, it was more of a 'I'm happy for you and hope that I find it someday' type of dream. I was sad in the dream though. Me and Jamie were outside the day before the wedding and we were laying on the ground looking up at the stars, talking. Then we were eating the wedding desert, which wasn't cake, even though we knew we weren't suppose to be eating it. It was wierd. I don't want to cry tomorrow but if today is any indication that whenever I even think of it I start getting teary, then I think that it is going to happen.

I feel bad about Jackie's brother and his family. The house was really nice, and they had moved around so much. They are crazy movers and this was probably one they would have stayed at. Everything happens for a reason? I think that, so maybe there is something better waiting for them. It sucks when good people have shit happen to them. It is hard to keep the faith.

I feel a little better today, besides 'the wedding', probably because I slept. I have to work at Panera tonight and Sunday. It isn't going to be a rockin weekend I don't think, although I will have cocktails at the reception. A lot. Ok maybe that isn't a good idea because I might turn in to a bumbling sobbing mess. I don't want that to happen. There are going to be people from church there. Another guy from our 4th grade class is going to be there too, he was always a nice guy, one of Jamie's best friends but I never stayed friends with him like Jamie. He has since got married and divorced. I can't wait to go camping. Sit around the fire and drink and eat and read and take walks. I hope I can relax a little then.

My parents are trying to kick Luke's 2 friends out of the house now. They let them come and live with them and said that when they got jobs that they would need to find their own place and move out. Ok, so they've been working for a couple of months now and there was no movement in the door direction. Why should they? My parents fed them and gave them a home, a big home. So my dad told them that they were out by Sunday. And it was hard for them because they are really nice kids. So we'll see.
It's jeans day today and it is quiet here. My boss is on vacation and 4 of the 5 people that got 30 days have found jobs and are gone. So there are 6 of us here I think. It is also really slow so I will have to amuse myself some other way. Alright well I'm done, have a good weekend.
Oh and for everyone that lost a blog to the blog monster, I copy it before I am going to publish it so that I don't lose what I have written.

Back up

I don't even know what I want to write about. There is so much I am thinking about.
Saturday my friend from 4th grade is getting married, to a nice great girl, I am a little envious. He was my back up! If we weren't married by 30 then....I don't think we really would have done it but....He just turned 30 last month and I will be in 4 months. I do feel sad, probaby sad because I know he has his life in focus. Blah.

Next subject, Father's day was nice but tiring. We had our families come over for a bbq. Darren cooked shrimp, bbq chicken, hot dogs, italian sausage and hamburgers. Then I made mac and cheese. We had potato salad, coleslaw, corn on the cob, fruit, veggies, chips. It was a LOT of food. It went well except Kaela drew on the steps with a marker because 'she didn't have any paper.' But we got that up with nail polish remover. They shot the basketball around the whole time and Duke got to be outside all day. I was so tired that night.

Saturday was a bust, I should have gone over to hang out with everyone. Instead I got drunk and did nothing.
Ok I don't feel like writing anymore.

Ghost town

So now I know what it going to be like when no one works with me. It sucks. J is on his new account and everything is coming my way. 3 of the 5 people have found new accounts. I don't talk to anyone except S and she is away on leave for 2 weeks. I hate it. I hate getting up and coming in here every day, I hate that it all is on me. If I could work from home it would be a lot better. At least then I wouldn't use gas. And we got a new manager at Panera and if he doesn't fucking calm down I am going to beat his ass. It better be because he just got out of manager training and he thinks that he can run a perfect store. Otherwise I think everyone will beat his ass. Lynn, who is the most organized and cleanly one, even was annoyed with him and told him he needs to pick his battles because he won't get everything. She actually stood up for us, which normally doesn't happen. He stood in a line of like 8 people to order his food, HELLO! managers first of all make their own food and second of all don't take up registers time ringing him in. I asked him 1 question and he gave me his life story. Too much info. I don't care that he lived in Taylor and lived with a women, 'but it isn't a relationship, I am 46 and she is 55 and I just do things around the house for her and she has a '65 (something) and she doesn't even want to drive it.' On an on. It took him 20 minutes to check us out and then he waited until the end to tell us how many things we did wrong. We had to pull out all the food bars and sweep and clean the walls. So....the soup one is a pain in the ass because the drain is there so you have to lift it over. This thing is not light. I tried to explain that to him but he was like well you have to sweep behind it. So I went to lift it over, it hit the ground and 7 soup bowls fell off and broke. He tried to say, well why didn't you tell me it was like right there. I'm like um I did! I told you it was difficult to get it over. He told Lynn that he will close 7 nights in a row and go from each area and 'get us in the habit' of doing everything right. She was like 'okkkk', rolling her eyes. We didn't get out until after 10:30 which hasn't happened in more than a month. Everyone was pissed.

So I am really fucking tired and cranky. Really cranky. I didn't want to come in today but it wasn't like I couldn't work. I was nauseous this morning but I think because of some medicine that I am on. Or the thought of what I have to do. Probably both. Today is my only day off from Panera this week and I have so many things to do and I don't want to do anything. Camping is not coming soon enough. I just feel so frustrated and I don't know how not to feel this way. Working out, yes, but I am so tired I just want to go to sleep, right here at my desk. If I didn't snore I probably would.

I talked to my mom yesterday and she was talking about how she thought it was so important for me to get my internship done. i KNOW that but how am I suppose to do it? I mean you think I went back to school and paid like $3500 more to still work 2 jobs?! So what, now take out another loan to live until I get it done? I'll end up owing like $50,000 and it's not like the job I am going to get is this 6 figure job where I could actually pay back my debt. Where doctors and lawyers are so in debt but with the hope of getting paid pretty well. No, it would be enough to only work 1 job but then I don't know because I'd have so much debt I'd probably have to work 2 again. She isn't trying to be mean about it but I'm disappointing them and myself because I can't do it. I want to cry. I hate crying at work but it isn't like anyone will see me, I sit alone. I hope I feel better later.

BBQ chicken

I had a really nice time last night. Anna came from Buffalo and we went grocery shopping and bought stuff to make taco salad, bbq chicken, green beans, and baked potatoes. It was SO good. Darren made the chicken and potatoes. She brought her puppy and she is 12 weeks old now and is bigger than Duke and Louie. At first I was afraid because of Duke's last outing, and he is a little questionable still. They played and played and then last night he growled at her. I don't get it. You can tell she was so confused on why he would be mad. Then me, Jackie, Anna and Beckie went and saw The Break Up. It was good, realistic, which is why I liked it better. Anna had to go and check in to her hotel because she was here for a meeting and an interview. I hope that she can move back here. The only way you can transfer is if you move up a level there, and she would be moving up a level. They are trying to move her up a level in Buffalo but then she would be stuck there until she could move up again. She just told us too that our friend Darcy, who is marrying someone from Oman, Jordan, they were suppose to move to Kuwait but now it looks like they are going to move to Ann Arbor! Which is exciting because they live in St. Louis now. He will still be in Kuwait for like another year though for his job. They are getting married in Jordan.
I miss Anna so I hope she gets the job here. There is too much for her here. She comes home all the time in the fall, birthdays, football. That's a lot of driving. Well anyways, I had a good night.

Arg

I am in a bad mood today. Yesterday I slept a lot but not enough. When I got home from work I mowed the lawn and tried to put the branches in to the garbage until I got a HUGE splinter in my thumb and it bled so that was the end of that. Plus it was really hot outside. Then I went in and was watching the food network. I fell asleep around 5:45 and woke up when Jackie got home, I think around 7. I was feeling discontent then because I had nothing to eat and I couldn't go grocery shopping yet. So I ate some left over chips with cheese that weren't as good as it sounded. Then we started watching Office Space and I fell asleep again. I had to go and pick Darren up at 10 and I would have gone to bed at 10. Didn't get back until 11:30, so I was irritated and hungry. I went immediately to bed. They laid 5 people off on my account, 1 of them being the guy that works with me on what we do. Well he found another position today and they wanted him IMMEDIATELY so now I am alone. With no back up. Things are so disorganized and stupid so that just added to my annoyances. I have to work today at Panera.

The weekend wasn't that great. Got in a fight, went to a shower, went shopping at Kohl's, went out with Beckie and Jackie (those last 3 three things were fun), saw X-men 3 and worked. This weekend I have to work Friday and Saturday. So I can't go to Ryan's bar night.
Ugh well I am going to stop writing because I don't feel like doing it anymore.