I am in no mood to share so I don't think there will be any posts for a little while, sorry to my loyal followers, I know there are so many....

I am at my working limit. It hit me last night and continued wayyyy in to today. I feel like I've drank but I haven't had a drink. It sucks and it makes me hypersensitive. Everything seems worse than it is. One wrong word and I might fall in a heap of crying. I went at lunch for a car nap. Not long enough!
I talked to my 'health educator' today for the first time in a few months, I've mostly been avoiding him because I know I haven't been healthy. We get it free through work. It's basically just phone consultations and what goals we want to reach with our health and how we will do that. I think I avoided him because I haven't wanted to try to make any effort to do that since I am already drained. I don't know if it helped or not, I told him it is even harder now that I don't get to work from home at all. Go right from one place to another and just grab food when I can. Try to pack a lunch but sometimes I don't get to because I am stressed that I might be 'late!' My goal this week is to make to the gym at least once, once, pretty sad since I used to go 4 times. Then that I want to walk Duke. He would love it and it would be good for me.
Well I gotta do some work. Blah.

Easter weekend

I had a pretty good weekend. Friday I went to the hospital for 6 hours for Darren's dad, he was having a tumor removed from behind his eye. It was successful so far. Then I went running around, to the mall and to get a belt for the vacuum cleaner. Danielle was having her little birthday thing at Lucky's. So at 9:15 we finally left for that, we were planning on leaving at 8:30 but we ended up all getting there at the same time anyways. Good timing. I had a good time, I was drunk and played ski-ball and Frogger. Then I got in to that coin game where you drop them and try to knock other ones off and you got tickets. We pooled all our tickets and each got a PEZ dispenser. Danielle got a stuffed elephant. Apparently I passed out on the way home.

Saturday I cleaned the house, did laundry, made cupcakes, and then went to work. I was only suppose to work til 8 but of course our genius scheduler didn't schedule anyone til close, so I had to do it because the other girl had been there since 11am. I didn't end up getting out til 9:30. I was so tired. Dan, Beckie, Jessica, and Mike came over for cheese sticks, fries and pizza rolls and we watched Shawn of the Dead, which apparently everyone has heard about that movie besides me and Jackie. I really enjoyed it. I was skeptical at first but it was funny. I was falling asleep on the couch after that.

Sunday I got up, went to church and then drove to Lansing. We had dinner at my Aunt's house. We had ham, potatoes, wings, salad, green bean casserole(yum!), creamed corn, and veggies. It was delicious. I was really tired that day though and everyone kept asking me about my internship and I started getting upset. I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. I wanted to retreat in to my house and curl up and watch Alias. I got to see both my grandma's. They are so cute. My Grandma Byrne was in a lime green track suit, with these cute little tennis shoes that matched. And my other grandma had on purple pants and a white top with brown circles. She is like 4'8 now and keeps getting shorter! Then Jim was pissing me off, I guess he offended Danielle too. He is an atheist, which I am very openminded and to each his own. But he went to church with my family and kept making comments during the service, disrespectful comments. So Danielle wanted to swear at him in church, not very churchy but she was pissed. She was like that's fine if you are atheist, then don't go to church and be disrespectful, do we say anything to him about what to believe in? No. Well I didn't know this until after he was kind of rude to me so I was thought I was the only one. Guess not. Anna has a good head on her shoulders so I will leave it to her. As long as she is happy.
Came home and me and Jackie watched SATC and ate chocolate chip ice cream from baskin and robbins. Yum.
I worked yesterday and at Panera the one cafe girl decided to just go and clean the bathrooms at 8pm, didn't tell anyone. Leaving my friend in bakery to ring everyone up. It was ridiculous, so at like 8:45 we all went outside to either smoke or get fresh air, even our manager came but not the cafe girl. She comes back there and was like 'oh jeez I was wondering where you all went, I'm the only one in there.' My manager was like 'oh well, we've been looking for you all night, it's ok.' It was funny, the girl just stomped around the rest of the night, not speaking to any of us. I work the rest of the week, except Friday. These damn high school kids and their spring break!

Jabber attitude

I am writing before I lose my motivation. Me and Jackie were watching this commercial where a guy was at work and he went to the vending machine and his chips got stuck. He just stood there with a dejected look on his face. I was like oh hell no, if that was me I would have knocked the fucking thing over! Which is how I feel about this place. Apparently now I have an attitude problem too. It was totally taken out of context because 'Ed II' was typing to me over IM and wouldn't actually come and talk to me and I was asking all sorts of questions on what was wanted done from me. But I guess I was being difficult in asking questions so it wasn't that the questions were hard it was the 'attitude behind it.' I was like oh geez I do not have an attitude but now I do. Thanks. People are keeping track of when we all go and come in, it is getting bad. One of the places I sent my resume to said they hired from within their account. Awesome.
On a good note, I made lasagna last night and it was good. And not as hard as I thought. It's ok when I don't have to work at Panera but now that work from home has been yanked from us it is hard to go in to both jobs every day. I want out!

Plan

What is the plan for me? I think that everything happens for a reason and that there is a plan for me. I wish I just knew what it was now. When I was younger I didn't really worry about it because I was busy doing new things. There are new things to still do but now I'm wondering more if I am ever going to get out of this place? I kind of feel like I used to in middle school, dread. When I wake up in the morning I feel dread at having to get up. Once I get going I'm ok but the initial reaction is damn it! The new 'Ed' is more ruthless than the first one. Always wanting to be in your business and keeping secrets and making themselves feel important. I have ceased to talk to 'Ed the 2nd'. Pretty sad but that is what happens when someone thinks that they will move up here by becoming something else. Not at this place. Am I going to become a dietician? Am I going to quit selling the bagels and giving all my energy to that place? Am I ever going to get to the gym? And am I ever going to find out what the hell is wrong with my leg? It went away for like 3 months and now it is back. Going from light pain to I need to grab the counter pain. I kind of found today if I push down on the floor with my leg when it is going on that it kind of makes it ease up. Maybe it is because I am not working out anymore and the muscle is screaming at me. I don't know.

I woke up freaking out last night because I had a bad dream. I don't remember where I was but we were talking about some sort of criminal case and killers or something. And I had to leave so I got in my car and started driving but I then realized that the passenger window was open, as I start to look in my rearview mirror I see someone getting up from the back, I tried to turn the car around and I was so scared. I was screaming out in my sleep because Darren was like 'hey hey hey, are you ok? What's wrong?' He thought it was my leg but no I was just freaked out. I was glad to wake up from that one. But I still had a fearful feeling stay for a little while.

It's only 1:15, ugh. Tonight I don't have to work at Panera, glorious. I want to take a nap. Yesterday was tiring with trying to stand on one leg a certain way it made it really tired.

Tiki's sucked on Saturday for those of you that didn't go. Next time remind me to ask if it is 18 and older! I thought since it was a party that it would be 21 and older. No. I haven't seen it so busy in there at 10 ever. It took us about 25 minutes to get drinks and by that time it was almost 10:40, Jackie was pissed at this asshole bartender for passing her over about 50 times and then having the nerve to say everyone else was waiting that long too. We didn't even get our bottle of champagne. You could barely walk through all the people. So we drank what we had gotten and left to go to Teddy's. Luke said there were ugly girls there, I had a fine time but I was tired so I had to put some effort in to it. Then we went to Mcdonald's because Luke doesn't like W.C.! we wanted B.K. but it was closed already :( With the time change we went to bed around 4.