Bunch of Shit

Wow, I haven't wrote in a longggg time. I know all that read this know what has been happening, well for the most part. I got laid off from EDS, 7.5 years. Has it been a blessing in disguise? Well I don't know yet, I haven't got my severance check yet, I have filed for unemployment and I've been working at Panera like 35 hours a week. I've learned that I don't want to work at Panera as an associate, I'd rather die. I haven't really looked all too hard yet. I am going to get my butt in gear soon. It was very hard getting let go. I had thought it might happen to me for a while and you think that you come to terms with things but when it happens you realize that you did not at all. I sat in my managers office for 45 minutes and couldn't even think about going up to the 12th floor and saying goodbye to all the people that I learned to care about in the past 6 months. I made more friends at that account than at my other one that I was on for 4 years. So it pretty much sucked. I finally just sucked it up and was like ok I'm going to cry, they are going to cry I'm going to go up there and say bye. Ah it was terrible. It is funny how people can come to mean a lot to you in such a short time. Bill, who reminded me of my dad, he lived in Canton and had 3 kids in college and he built bookshelves, bookshelves! Just like my dad! I had really come to like him. He was also an MSU fan, he had gone there. Finally a fan and I had to leave before football season even started!! That made me cry even harder. Or Bruce, who sat on the 8th floor, he heard and came up and gave me the biggest hug and said that I was so much better than EDS. That has yet to be seen. He has been there for like 25 years. Ok now I need to stop talking about this and talk about what is upsetting me now (like I haven't been crying thinking about this)

The boy that I liked went back to his crazy ex g/f. Did I really think that this would work? No, but I always had a hope in the back of my mind. But I guess it is better this way, he had a lot of issues. But it didn't mean I didn't like him and DAMN it I didn't like him like that before he made the move and then I really started liking him. Then he got in a fight with his dad. It's a long story but he went back to her, the stripper. I know it is for the best but I need to have a little time to be fucking upset. Maybe a while. He was white too. I know, some of you know, but *gasp* I hadn't liked a white boy in like 7 years. So he pulled me in and then totally disappointed me. I am not blaming that on him being white. I am so sad. And it is stupid to be sad but I am. I will get over it but I am not right now. I hadn't talked to him for a few days and thought something was wrong, and I saw him today. His phone had been turned off and he said that he had left his dad's and went to her house and he didn't have his charger and everything is fucked up and that he is probably stupid. I told him that 'yes for the record you are stupid. So I guess we can't hang out now.' He said 'I don't know, I'm sorry I don't want to hurt you.' And I think to myself damn it I don't want to be in a position that I would feel hurt, but I did. After he left I text him that damn it I felt sad. He said he was sorry. I know, there is shit going on that play in to all this that fucking sucks!!!! I cried a lot at work today, but couldn't tell anyone why. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I feel like my life is in such disarray. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I feel like I'm a disappointment to my parents and I won't ever be where I want to be. Most of the time I am ok but I'm not right now. I know shit happens to everyone and it could be way worse so I guess I just have to think that. And that God has a plan for me, I just wish I knew it now.
So yes that is where I am right now. Jobless. And something else.
I had a blast at Anna's last weekend. We had delicious food, chicken wrapped with bacon and bbq and lots of cheese. Who wouldn't?! Haha, also the 99 berries that Beckie brought. We named drinks after ourselves. We had a 'Darcy' and a 'Winkler', it was very fun. I'll miss Darcy like crazy but I know that she will always be in my life because she has been there since she was born. As the pics show.. The mosquitoes were a bitch though! The bonfire was awesome!!! We had to sit like a mile away from it though because it was so hot! Ah good time, sitting on Anna's swing feeling like I was going to puke. Oh ya and someone calling me telling me he told his ex about us, that wasn't cool. Cigarette please?! Thanks Dan. Anyways, I should probably go, I have much to do tomorrow. I will be with my favorite people, sisters and mom, not that all of you aren't my favorite because you are that is why I am writing to only to you!! Thank you for being my friends. Any advice would be helpful...Even the best fall down sometime as you all know :(