Ghost town

So now I know what it going to be like when no one works with me. It sucks. J is on his new account and everything is coming my way. 3 of the 5 people have found new accounts. I don't talk to anyone except S and she is away on leave for 2 weeks. I hate it. I hate getting up and coming in here every day, I hate that it all is on me. If I could work from home it would be a lot better. At least then I wouldn't use gas. And we got a new manager at Panera and if he doesn't fucking calm down I am going to beat his ass. It better be because he just got out of manager training and he thinks that he can run a perfect store. Otherwise I think everyone will beat his ass. Lynn, who is the most organized and cleanly one, even was annoyed with him and told him he needs to pick his battles because he won't get everything. She actually stood up for us, which normally doesn't happen. He stood in a line of like 8 people to order his food, HELLO! managers first of all make their own food and second of all don't take up registers time ringing him in. I asked him 1 question and he gave me his life story. Too much info. I don't care that he lived in Taylor and lived with a women, 'but it isn't a relationship, I am 46 and she is 55 and I just do things around the house for her and she has a '65 (something) and she doesn't even want to drive it.' On an on. It took him 20 minutes to check us out and then he waited until the end to tell us how many things we did wrong. We had to pull out all the food bars and sweep and clean the walls. So....the soup one is a pain in the ass because the drain is there so you have to lift it over. This thing is not light. I tried to explain that to him but he was like well you have to sweep behind it. So I went to lift it over, it hit the ground and 7 soup bowls fell off and broke. He tried to say, well why didn't you tell me it was like right there. I'm like um I did! I told you it was difficult to get it over. He told Lynn that he will close 7 nights in a row and go from each area and 'get us in the habit' of doing everything right. She was like 'okkkk', rolling her eyes. We didn't get out until after 10:30 which hasn't happened in more than a month. Everyone was pissed.

So I am really fucking tired and cranky. Really cranky. I didn't want to come in today but it wasn't like I couldn't work. I was nauseous this morning but I think because of some medicine that I am on. Or the thought of what I have to do. Probably both. Today is my only day off from Panera this week and I have so many things to do and I don't want to do anything. Camping is not coming soon enough. I just feel so frustrated and I don't know how not to feel this way. Working out, yes, but I am so tired I just want to go to sleep, right here at my desk. If I didn't snore I probably would.

I talked to my mom yesterday and she was talking about how she thought it was so important for me to get my internship done. i KNOW that but how am I suppose to do it? I mean you think I went back to school and paid like $3500 more to still work 2 jobs?! So what, now take out another loan to live until I get it done? I'll end up owing like $50,000 and it's not like the job I am going to get is this 6 figure job where I could actually pay back my debt. Where doctors and lawyers are so in debt but with the hope of getting paid pretty well. No, it would be enough to only work 1 job but then I don't know because I'd have so much debt I'd probably have to work 2 again. She isn't trying to be mean about it but I'm disappointing them and myself because I can't do it. I want to cry. I hate crying at work but it isn't like anyone will see me, I sit alone. I hope I feel better later.