I wish I was floating down the river tubing! No worries then!

Bunch of Shit

Wow, I haven't wrote in a longggg time. I know all that read this know what has been happening, well for the most part. I got laid off from EDS, 7.5 years. Has it been a blessing in disguise? Well I don't know yet, I haven't got my severance check yet, I have filed for unemployment and I've been working at Panera like 35 hours a week. I've learned that I don't want to work at Panera as an associate, I'd rather die. I haven't really looked all too hard yet. I am going to get my butt in gear soon. It was very hard getting let go. I had thought it might happen to me for a while and you think that you come to terms with things but when it happens you realize that you did not at all. I sat in my managers office for 45 minutes and couldn't even think about going up to the 12th floor and saying goodbye to all the people that I learned to care about in the past 6 months. I made more friends at that account than at my other one that I was on for 4 years. So it pretty much sucked. I finally just sucked it up and was like ok I'm going to cry, they are going to cry I'm going to go up there and say bye. Ah it was terrible. It is funny how people can come to mean a lot to you in such a short time. Bill, who reminded me of my dad, he lived in Canton and had 3 kids in college and he built bookshelves, bookshelves! Just like my dad! I had really come to like him. He was also an MSU fan, he had gone there. Finally a fan and I had to leave before football season even started!! That made me cry even harder. Or Bruce, who sat on the 8th floor, he heard and came up and gave me the biggest hug and said that I was so much better than EDS. That has yet to be seen. He has been there for like 25 years. Ok now I need to stop talking about this and talk about what is upsetting me now (like I haven't been crying thinking about this)

The boy that I liked went back to his crazy ex g/f. Did I really think that this would work? No, but I always had a hope in the back of my mind. But I guess it is better this way, he had a lot of issues. But it didn't mean I didn't like him and DAMN it I didn't like him like that before he made the move and then I really started liking him. Then he got in a fight with his dad. It's a long story but he went back to her, the stripper. I know it is for the best but I need to have a little time to be fucking upset. Maybe a while. He was white too. I know, some of you know, but *gasp* I hadn't liked a white boy in like 7 years. So he pulled me in and then totally disappointed me. I am not blaming that on him being white. I am so sad. And it is stupid to be sad but I am. I will get over it but I am not right now. I hadn't talked to him for a few days and thought something was wrong, and I saw him today. His phone had been turned off and he said that he had left his dad's and went to her house and he didn't have his charger and everything is fucked up and that he is probably stupid. I told him that 'yes for the record you are stupid. So I guess we can't hang out now.' He said 'I don't know, I'm sorry I don't want to hurt you.' And I think to myself damn it I don't want to be in a position that I would feel hurt, but I did. After he left I text him that damn it I felt sad. He said he was sorry. I know, there is shit going on that play in to all this that fucking sucks!!!! I cried a lot at work today, but couldn't tell anyone why. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I feel like my life is in such disarray. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I feel like I'm a disappointment to my parents and I won't ever be where I want to be. Most of the time I am ok but I'm not right now. I know shit happens to everyone and it could be way worse so I guess I just have to think that. And that God has a plan for me, I just wish I knew it now.
So yes that is where I am right now. Jobless. And something else.
I had a blast at Anna's last weekend. We had delicious food, chicken wrapped with bacon and bbq and lots of cheese. Who wouldn't?! Haha, also the 99 berries that Beckie brought. We named drinks after ourselves. We had a 'Darcy' and a 'Winkler', it was very fun. I'll miss Darcy like crazy but I know that she will always be in my life because she has been there since she was born. As the pics show.. The mosquitoes were a bitch though! The bonfire was awesome!!! We had to sit like a mile away from it though because it was so hot! Ah good time, sitting on Anna's swing feeling like I was going to puke. Oh ya and someone calling me telling me he told his ex about us, that wasn't cool. Cigarette please?! Thanks Dan. Anyways, I should probably go, I have much to do tomorrow. I will be with my favorite people, sisters and mom, not that all of you aren't my favorite because you are that is why I am writing to only to you!! Thank you for being my friends. Any advice would be helpful...Even the best fall down sometime as you all know :(

Decay

Too much foolery! Friday I worked both jobs and then rushed home because I was going to Waves. It ended up just being the girls. Some guys from high school hung out with us too. They were like 22. We danced a lot. My legs hurt. I went home and made tater tots. Saturday I was a little hungover. I went and got my nails taken off and my toes done, then went the mall. I went to the mall a lot that day. I got a new outfit for that night. Then I went home and took a nap. Beckie and me went to Target and walked around Eastland a lot. I didn't really find anything during that trip. Then she stopped at F.J. so that I could get a steak, I really wanted steak. We were suppose to meet at her house at 8:30 but it was already 7:30, I told her I'd be there at 9. Jessica met us too and we went to Madison's. They were playing the pistons game so we watched that and drank. Then about midnight Jackie and Dave came. We danced, drank, then the music got really shitty and the dj would not play anything I requested. I was quite annoyed. There were no cute boys there. One guy tried to dance with all the girls and he looked ridiculous. We took off around 1:45 and went to Denny's. Thankfully they were open and they had ranch. I drank like 5 glasses of water and ate cheese sticks and cheese fries. I was trying to load up on the cheese because I knew 6 days were coming of none. I decided I had to be strict on Sunday again too. I was getting kind of lax and the weight loss has slowed down. I was not hungover on Sunday, I was glad. I had to work.

Yesterday I had a traumatic dentist visit. Ok, so I hadn't been there in like 6 years. I just don't like going. But a filling had come out and I knew I had to get it fixed. So they took x-rays and said everything looked good but he would have to clean out the decay and make sure it didn't hit the nerve. He left the room. I got really dizzy and my eyes started watering, ok it was crying, but I couldn't help it. I tried to take deep breaths. I had the gas, but it didn't help. The damn shots in my mouth scare the hell out of me! Then the drilling and the sound, I tried to take deep breaths. I was there for an hour and 1/2 and I didn't even get my teeth cleaned. Luckily I do not have to have a root canal. So now I have to go back tonight for the cleaning. I think that will be ok. No shots in my mouth. I am going to the gym first, then the dentist, I don't care if I smell. So it will be a long night. Anyways, gotta go.

Memorial Weekend

I had a long weekend but I didn't do much. Friday I worked, we were suppose to go out that night but then they decided that we weren't. I was annoyed. I guess it was ok because I went early to Anna's. I drove to Beckie's and we rode from there. I had bought balloons and it ended up looking like we were going to a baby shower because they were pink and blue. I also got a bag of blow up balloons and they were a bitch to tie. I scraped my finger and it is taking a long time to heal! We busted out the spinach dip and I started making the mac and cheese. Beckii, Sandra and Jacque got there and we started to play taboo. Then Danielle and Dave got there and we had some key lime martinis, yum! We made wings, hamburgers, hot dogs, pasta salad, chips, mac and cheese, just a whole bunch of food. It was a fun night, besides Duke seeming to want to pee on everything to show his dominance to Pooba. That was annoying! Luke came with 2 of his friends, Stace and Ryan, Darcy, etc. The rain held off mostly so we had a bonfire. Luke, me and Beckie played a drinking game, it was along the lines of high/low but it was a little more involved. By then I had gone through my captains and was drinking tequila with orange juice and cranberry. And we had to do a lot of pucker shots. By the end of the night it was me, Luke and his 2 friends by the fire. We went in and proceeded to suck the helium out of the balloons and eat wings. I went down to find my bed but Mike had taken it!!! He was laying diagonal across it so I didn't bother trying to push him over. So I slept on a couch that even I didn't really fit on, at one point I thought I should puke but I didn't.

Sunday was not a good day. I was very hungover and I had to work and it was slow so it made it worse. I did nothing that night. Monday I mowed the lawn and was going to go to the gym but they closed at 2 so I couldn't. I took Duke for a walk where he proceeded to lay down every time he came to shade. It was not very productive. I went back and didn't want to drive anywhere because I had to conserve on gas. I read a book and pulled out Nintendo 64 to play Mario Party, it isn't as fun when you play against the computer. Jason came over to hang out for a while. I went to bed at like midnight. Yesterday was a day of rushing. I worked then went to the gym for a short work out before rushing home to change to go to P-bread. I didn't get home til 10:45. Fun times...

I have no plans for the weekend yet. I know I have to work but I'd like to go out or something. I want to plant flowers but I hear it is suppose to rain. I guess we will see..

Happy Mother's Day

Ok so I am 30 and I'm dancing around to Maneater from Jackie's my space page, while having a drink which I SO should not be drunk from but I only ate chinese at noon, and I only had like a cup of it with an eggroll. Maybe I need to eat something. But then I put on my Detroit Tigers hat and dance around like I am 23 again. I laugh and it is all good. Who should I hang out with? Makeout boy? Sensation? I don't know who, maybe just alone? I do have to work tomorrow and it will be hell if I am tired. I get text messages like 'what time are you going to be up until?' I shouldn't wait for no one! But I am just hanging by myself. I'm not upset. I don't know what I'm doing anyways. HMMM ok I'm going to go and flip from Desperate Housewives to the Red Wings game. Should I ask Sensation over???? Decisions. My update probably will be that there was no one. And that is ok with me.
We had a productive weekend, we cleaned the basement. We got industrial strength soap that said it cleaned acid rain? where do you have to clean acid rain? We thought that would be good to get our yucky mess up. We deck brushed our basement floor and mopped and mopped. It looks really good and the crap is gone! Now we just have to get our drain snaked. Awesome. Then we went shopping at Kohl's. I am at a size that I want to buy a lot of clothes but I don't want to yet because I'm not done. I bought some shirts because I know that they will always fit. Today I went to my mom's for Mother's day and we had got chinese. It was nice. It was me, Anna, Zac and my mom and dad. Then I was suppose to work but it is a long story but I didn't have to. So I went and got a hanging flower basket and then I cleaned upstairs. Then I had a drink. And the dancing began. Ok I am going to go. Hope all had fun!

Sickly

So last week was a complete waste! Starting Tuesday I got sick. I went home after work and slept for 3 hours. I didn't go to work the rest of the week. I attempted to on Friday but I left after like 2 hours. I couldn't barely hold my head up, all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't go to Panera, I didn't go to the gym. I did nothing. Jackie missed the whole week of work. Anna and Beckie were sick too. It was crazy! Today I am not 100%. I still am congested. Saturday I wanted to feel better so bad. I went to ww and then I had to go to Lansing for the reception. It was fun but a little odd. It was kind of in a barn, it had concrete floors and we sat in folding chairs and had paper plates and plastic cups. It really reminded me of a church function. The food was good, we had chicken, pot roast, mac and cheese, potatoes, corn, salad. I told my dad that if he ever stood up there at my wedding and said 'well I thought this day would never come' that he would get champagne in his face! I mean jeez! She was 37 and my cousin is 40. He was oddly excited that he would not have to go to any 'bring a date' functions without a date anymore. He was like 'now when you get married I have a date!' I'm like okkk. So I got home around 11:30.
Sunday the lawn had to be mowed, it was getting taller than the dogs. I was just afraid I wouldn't be able to start the mower since I hadn't used it in forever. But I got it started on the 2nd try. I had to empty it twice because the grass was also wet. Then I had to go to work. Now, if everyone could just get their shit done we would have been out by 8:45 at the latest. I do not understand these people. I went to get broccoli cheddar soup at 7, we close at 8, and she had already put it all in an ice bath. What the hell? Are you stupid? She was like 'well kahli told me to.' I'm like no, he did not tell you to put the soups in there, he said to get it ready so when we could put them in there. Just so dumb! At like 9:20 I was done, I wasn't doing anymore, I had done my job and 1/2 of the other people's and I am still not feeling all that good. I can be a big bitch there. I don't know why I can't with other things.
This week is very busy, so I hope that I feel totally normal soon. I work tonight, Wed and Friday nights, then tomorrow is my dad's birthday and my mom got us all tickets to the Tigers game, of course the 1 day it is suppose to rain. So every night I'm busy. Travis is coming to town this weekend but I am not going to be able to see him because Friday night I have to work and then Saturday we are going to Toledo.
Well, I should get going.

Be glad in it

Ah Monday morning. I actually feel ok today, a little tired but fine. I think Jackie has the flu! She didn't come home last night because she didn't think she could drive home! I hope I don't get that. Friday was a crazy day. I worked both jobs and then we had planned on going out to Waves. My friend picked me up about 11:30, since we both didn't get off work til late, got to the bar and had some drinks. I was not as drunk as the Friday before. Which is good because I do not like to be like that. There was a little bit of drama because I was dancing, you know how I dance ;) and darren was there and was upset that I would do that in front of him. Ok, I'm drunk! I dance crazy! I can understand what he was saying but it was all in the name of fun. It ended up being fine. I went home and turned my phone off and passed out. Saturday morning I got up around 10, I was tired. I worked from 1-4 and then we were leaving for Lansing at 4:30. Danielle had her wine and cheese party. We ended up getting there late because traffic was bad, but it was fine. She had a chocolate fountain set up, YUM! and Dave was on the deck in her Williams and Sonoma apron grilling chicken wrapped with bacon, it was so good. Then the variety of cheese. So much cheese to choose from! Cheese dips, balls, slices, mmmmm. And the wine, I think there were about 15 bottles of wine. I decided to try some. I don't really like red. I stuck to the white and it was enjoyable. We had fun talking and laughing and telling old stories. Then we were dancing and then I was told it was time to go. I knew it was coming I just always never want to leave! I wonder how much wine was left, everyone was drinking but it was like a non stop supply. We had to drop Jackie off at Dave's and then we were headed home. We were headed down 94 and Beckie was like 'want to go to the bar?' sure! so we went to the Post in Dearborn but we didn't stay long. It was a long day.

Sunday morning my stomach hurt so bad. I think I ate too much cheese. After I laid there for a while I threw up. Then I felt better. I got up and did some cleaning. I did NOT want to go to work. It was so beautiful out. But I went anyways, of course someone called in. We could just not seem to get ahead. Nothing was prepped for us and that just made us be behind the whole night. We did not get out until 9:45, which is so unacceptable for a Sunday when we close at 8! I got home and just got in to bed. I was tired.

So this week I just have plans for the gym and working. Then Saturday I have to go to Lansing for my cousins reception. I heard that they are just going to have beer...ugh, I guess it is ok because I'm going to have to drive home and I don't want to be drunk.
Well I should get back to doing things. Yip